Taking the Reins

When Maayan was in 5th or 6th grade, she took riding lessons. It was, I thought at the time, the prudent thing to do. We live in one of the few rural areas in Israel where there is still open range. Its cattle country, and our kids will sooner or later end up on the back of a horse. If you live by a river, you teach your kids to swim; if you live here you make sure they can ride.

With Maayan, more so than with Netanel and Odelia, I tried to take control. Not because I like to dominate so much, but out of worry, fear. She was our only child for 9 years, she was everything, 100% of all we had. I was aware of the risks at every step, reining her back whenever I perceived danger lay ahead.

The summer between 9th and 10th grades, she took the Moshav Youth movement's leadership course. That's where she met Chen.


After that summer, she was always taking off to visit Chen, who comes from a moshav in the foothills half way between Jerusalem and Tel Aviv. I see now that it wasn't just the friendship taking her away on weekends, but also the need to free herself from me.








I had mixed feeling about Chen and Maayan's new friends. It wasn't anything personal, but they seemed to be more inclined to take chances. I didn't know what kind of people they were and was afraid that Maayan would prefer their values over mine. Maybe I worry too much about the ones I love, but there was something to it. Chen is fearless. My guess is that she had a lot to do with Maayan's decision to travel India and Nepal.







We want to shield and protect our children, but in the end the idea is to give them the reins and let them go. There are so many choices they have to make - dating, education, work, travel. All those things involve risk, but the only thing more dangerous than taking a chance in love and life, is being too careful to try. And if we have done our job, they will find the right path for themselves – and if they don't, they will know what to do about it.

I think Maayan will find a path that neither I nor Chen would have guessed. I have a stake in her future, but now I am only an observer.

Its a little scary knowing that now Maayan has control of 100% of all I have, because no matter how many kids you have, each and every one is everything to you. Its scary on one hand because I no longer hold the reins, but on the other hand I am proud of her. She has more than proved that she knows what she's doing.